I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
Big words are flying around, even if it’s Harry saying them in one of the most iconic love declarations in movie history. And honestly, just like Sally, we would’ve fallen for it too… But here’s the real question: when did we start believing that “forever” was the ultimate goal? Who convinced us it actually happens in real life? Are blockbusters and their tear-jerkers lines to blame? Or those fairy tales where some prince saves a helpless damsel... and they lived happily ever after? Let’s be real – the list of accomplices is long, and we’re here to call them all out (you’re welcome!).
First things first: it wasn’t always like this.
For centuries, the idea of romantic love had nothing to do with marriage. In the Middle Ages, falling in love and tying the knot were two totally separate things. Marriage was more of a deal between families to manage property – and yes, often the woman was considered part of the assets. It was all about economy and alliances, not love. Straight from Roman law: “Marriage is the institution between a man and a woman, recognized by society as a shared life and property agreement, and the basis for legitimate offspring.”
And love? Oh, people still fell in love, of course. Despite all the attempts to control “legitimate” family lines… love still happened. But it wasn’t the reason people got married.
Then the Church stepped in. At first, the Church didn’t want anything to do with marriage (all those “carnal urges” – so scandalous!). But then it realized – hey, this could actually be a great marketing opportunity. And sadly, they were right. Marketing geniuses. That’s how marriage became a sacrament. And just like that, the Church took control of who married whom: basically, the ultimate power broker of all alliances. Well played.
And then came the religious ceremony. A man and a woman. A cathedral. An altar with a priest officiating. Two sides of pews for each family. A bride in white on her father’s arm. Sound familiar? Yeah, it’s eerie how we can’t even picture anything else when we think about marriage or “traditional” love. But, fun fact, back in the time of Lorenzo the Magnificent, weddings were just a legal affair. You’d go to the notary, a public official would sign some papers, and boom: “You’re now husband and wife.”
No frills. No fairytales. No poetry.
And you don’t even need to go that far back in time to find a more realistic take. In Indonesia, the Minangkabau see marriage as a free agreement between clans. The husband and wife don’t even live in the same house – or village. In China, the Mosuo people live in a matriarchal and matrilineal society. Women hold the economic and political power, manage family life and property. And their version of marriage? Doesn’t even exist. It’s what they call a “walking marriage”.
Sounds like a dream… But then Christmas rolls around and we’re watching Love Actually again. Still, we care about words. And we’ve got 7 months (and two more chapters) to try and convince you that instead of saying “forever”, maybe we should start saying something a little more grounded like… “for now”.
What is love for you? Write to us at supernova@remidastudio.com.
